Here’s a list of top the five things that annoy me the most when I’m walking on the sidewalk, trying to get to someplace and do some $#&% that I have to do:
5. Walking Towards Me Without Giving Up Enough Room to Pass
You would think that this one would be higher up on the list. Fact of the matter is that this is more of an optical illusion than anything else. When people are walking in groups on the sidewalk they naturally seem to spread across as much as possible. If you’re walking towards a group of people that are coming at you like this, it always appears that the jackass closest to you is going to walk right into you. People who do this tend to be rather clueless, and they don’t even realize what they are doing until the last second. Right as you’re about to get plowed down for staying in your own walking lane, the moron on the edge of the group will duck in just enough to let you pass by unharmed. Most of the time, they’ll brush your arm. This is annoying but seemingly inevitable.
4. Walking Behind a Slow Group That Takes Up the Whole Sidewalk
Okay, this shouldn’t be so prevalent. I happen to live near a few different universities and college kids are the worst at this. No, wait, that’s not totally true. Suburban families also do this all the time too – especially the ones with strollers. The basic scenario I encounter is I’m trying to get somewhere in a timely manner (I’m trying to catch the bus, make an appointment on time, get somewhere before it closes, etc.) Sally Sadsacks and her stupid sorority sisters are having an obnoxious conversation about Billy Bonerface, and their entire gaggle is taking up the whole width of the sidewalk. Later on in life, Sally commits this crime again while walking down the street with her family that has been fathered by Billy. About 75 percent of the time, I have to walk out into the street to get around these idiots. Exceptions are always made for elderly people and handicapped people, of course. They can go as slow as they need to go. But if you can move all your limbs at a regular speed, you should make sure you don’t hog the pavement.
3. Side-to-Side Drifting While Walking in Front of Me
This is even worse than a group that spreads out like an amorphous blob because it’s always a crime committed by couples and single walkers. Maybe they’re talking about something or they’re on the phone. Maybe they’re lost in thought. Maybe they’re just stupid. I don’t give a #@$&. There is no excuse for drifting from the left to the right back to the left and then back to the right. Pick a side of a street and stay there. This always happens when I’m REALLY in a rush to get somewhere. I think the problem is that people think they hear steps coming up behind them, realize they have no directional ability, and attempt to pick the side of the sidewalk where I’m not walking. WRONG. You always end up picking the side I’m trying to pass you on. Turn around, figure out what side I’m really on, and then get out of my way. Thank you.
2. Refusing to Pick a Side of the Street While Walking Towards Me
I hate this one a lot because it’s so damned easy to avoid, but it seems like it will continuously plague me for the rest of my days. It’s the reverse action of #3. Instead of choosing the wrong side over and over while I’m walking behind them, this person chooses the wrong side of the street when I’m walking towards them. This is more often the action of a daydreamer or complete moron. They look up too late and suddenly realize that they’re drifting from side to side and my decisive @$$ is about to knock them over if they don’t get out of the way. For whatever idiotic reason, they choose my side of the street. I move quickly so as to avoid a collision, and then they move too. I move back, and then they weave in front of me again. I hate this.
1. Stopping in the Middle of the Sidewalk Right in Front of Me
This is my number one sidewalk walking pet peeve. If you see something interesting or you realize you’re going in the wrong direction, just politely step to the side. Don’t, for whatever inane or illogical reason, stop in the middle of the sidewalk. People have places to go. You’re not only causing me to move awkwardly, but you might get hit if I’m too close to dodge you. This pisses me off the most because it’s so easy to avoid. Just don’t stop in your tracks in the middle of the sidewalk! It’s that easy. People from the suburbs do this all the time when they’re walking in the city (or even in the airport or in the mall). It’s mostly middle aged, clueless adults with no sense of shared space that halt right in front of me and I have to swing around them in a split second while I curse under my breath.
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