This is another guest-post by my friend, Mort Duffingfield, who has more thoughts about the Writers Guild of America (WGA) Writers Strike and what it means to write the perfect sitcom.
Confessions Part 2: TGIS - Thank God I'm a Scab
By Mort Duffingfield, WGA Writers Strike Scab
Remember TGIF on ABC Friday nights? That's why I got into to this business in the first place. I was so deeply inspired by TGIF and its shows that I knew I had to become a television writer.
That uphill battle to become a TV writer is what makes my current role so much sweeter. By being a TV studio scab, it's like I've been given a direct path to forging my own TGIF-styled stardom. Imagine in two years time, when this whole strike is over and no one even remembers that I stole their jobs and worked for cut rate prices just to enter into the business... then I'll drop my own TGIF, Duffingfield style. It's gonna be beautiful.
Nowadays, dramas and thrillers rule the broadcast TV marketplace. Psssshhhh! Who wants that $%!!! Not me! Give me a sitcom any day of the week. I don't want murder and death - I want awkward situations that reinforce my narrow viewpoint on life that can be replayed and cashed in come time for syndication.
My latest pitch features a house of four moms that have each adopted their own baby primate. One has an orangutan, one has lemur, etc. You get the idea. The jokes come fast and furious as these four housewives struggle to raise their monkey-children in a quiet suburban neighborhood. I can already smell the studio cash rolling in.
I also pitched to write the Oscars. Turned down, or course. Elitist @$$holes. If they would have taken my radical new plan for the Golden Globes, they could have rolled out the red carpet like never before. The media coverage would have been immense. Think Willard Scott meets a professional eating contest, and then add a twist of paparazzi. Gold again, my friends.
But alas, I want my own TGIF even more. Tuesday night would be the perfect day. It's still the beginning of the work week for most people, but all their energy is already drained. I hit them with Monkey Moms back-to-back with two other family sitcoms. Put a workplace sitcom on as the debut half-hour and you have it made in the shade.
Next installment I'll introduce the workplace sitcom I'm developing. Think Gremlins 2 meets NYPD Blue. Yeah, it's that good. Until then, send any work offers my way and I'll scab it up for you. I charge the best prices in town while the other writers stomp around with crappy homemade picket signs and pathetic celebrity endorsements.